2011 is coming to an end and based on my memory (with a little help from my planner), I have attended no less than 6 weddings this year. I guess it is to be expected as I am already in my late 20s *gasps* and my peers are either getting married and having babies (being married first of course). So at one of the wedding dinners about almost a month ago I thought it would be interesting to do a recollection and ‘analysis’ of the marriages I have attended this year.
For 3 of the couples who got hitched, their love blossomed while they were studying overseas and all occurred in the same country of Australia. Perhaps it’s ‘nicer’ and ‘easier’ to fall in love there? Not so busy and stressed vis-a-vis back home in Singapore? SDU, I mean, SDN should reconsider their strategies…in the true spirit of outsourcing work in an increasingly globalized world, ‘create’ love abroad and then ask them to get married in Singapore. Haha!
During these wedding dinners when it was usually awkward, especially when there are total strangers seated with you at the same table, my mind would start drifting and think about stuff. Stuff like when will it be my turn lah, how come I haven’t got to meet someone that I can married with lah…nonsense stuff which makes me hopeful yet sad simultaneously. Weddings are a wonderful thing to be part of, especially if you are close to the couple who are getting married, though I can’t really say I’m really close to those whose weddings I have attended this year. :/
I think one of the most rare and eye-opening experience of attending weddings this year is that of a Japanese lady and a Singaporean gentleman! A truly cross-cultural experience and a dream come true for me if it happens. The differences between the Japanese side and the Singapore-Chinese side were stark: the former was refined, well-dressed and proper while the latter was boisterous with the traditional ‘yum seng‘ (the raising of cups and voices to bless the new couple). Ok, maybe I’m just biased.
Another fascinating though some may say obvious observation is the social networks evident from both sides of the couple. You can get the sense that both parties are very ‘well-to do’ not only from the place where they hold the wedding dinner but also the type of people who appear there: one of my friends mentioned “eh, my big boss from my company is here” and I was like the family of the groom sure knows some big shots in a certain major corporation…Bourdieu was certainly right in that those from the upper classes dress and speak in a certain manner so as to ‘distinguish’ themselves from the rest…
Oh yes, nowadays it is commonplace to see couple display their childhood photos, use the wedding shots as ‘screensaver’ on the big screen and usually some cheesy video is played, that of the groom being ‘tekan-ed’ (tortured) by the ‘jie meis’ (sisters) of the bride. It really challenges me to think of how I can make it different than the conventional ones when my own big day comes. Maybe the tekan is the other way round? Or using something else to represent the marriage, maybe drawings or words instead of the usual photos.
Sadly or happily, there are more weddings to come in the new year…perhaps more opportunities for me to think and reflect about marriages as well…
I think I attended about 4 weddings this year. I got a bit sick after the second one.
I try not to think too much of my own future when I go to weddings or their subsequent dinners. Because weddings (Christian ones, especially) breed a sense of fantasy. They assume that there’s such thing as a happy ending, that’s all smiles and princesses and slick SLR photograph slideshows in Punggol and Bruno Mars singing “marry me”. I think 25 years of living on this earth has made me suspect all these things.
Ironically, it was a non-Christian ceremony I attended – a Malay one, in Mersing, the Bertunang (engagement) ceremony of my best friend – that gave every wedding after that a bad taste. Sometimes even formal engagement screw up. And considering I was the one who was carrying the dowry to the would-be bride’s house and learnt 5 months later that the engagement got cancelled, I think I kena traumatized by all weddings thereafter.
Just rambling off my head. Your post comes at a time when I’m reflecting on what a mad 2011 it’s been.
Hi Shelter,
Thanks for taking time to read my blog, I always appreciate comments and responses to my posts. I was thinking about this post as far as 2 weddings ago but never got down to getting it out until today.
I think what you spoke about Christian marriages have some truths in it, it is as though the weddings are fantasy-like, there are no problems and everyone lives happily ever after. But the reality is that no wedding is unproblematic, even though it maybe a Christian one or whatever. But perhaps weddings could be something that since young we have been socialized (via Disney movies or romantic comedies and what not) to have a beautiful one since it is “once in life time” and “every girl deserves a beautiful wedding” kinda crap. Attempting to find some form of ‘perfection’, though it might be fleeting in an imperfect, crazy world.
Weddings are interesting, ain’t it? Especially when you observe how cultural or religious elements influence the way it is carried out. On one hand it is a fairy tale but on the other, people could be doing it for practical or economic reasons.
It indeed has been a crazy year and each year seem to past faster than the previous one!
P.S. checked out your blog and it’s quite interesting, will check it out more often in future…!
Just to sidetrack a little, it seems like for every wedding I attend, there is also a funeral (not so much on the same day, but the numbers are about there). Not sure about what everyone else encounters though. Okay, I’m the melancholic type, so trust me to bring up such a point.